That’s so gross

You would think the grossest thing that I have seen as a nurse would involve the patient.

Oddly enough, no.

I can say for sure the grossest thing I have seen is the patient’s family member(s) sleeping on the floor of the room.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAS BEEN ON THAT FLOOR?!?!?

I have walked into the room and nearly tripped over a family member sleeping peacefully on the floor. I was immediately freaked out. Like, what makes someone think sleeping on a hospital floor is safe or sanitary?

Oh, you have to get up off that floor honey.

There have been soiled linens, blood, body fluids that I can’t describe, EVERYTHING on that floor. Glare all you want but I’m not leaving you down there.

People think hospitals are far cleaner than they actually are…

Gory Glory

I’ll admit it, I like the gory stuff that nursing involves. We recently had a crush injury admitted to our unit and when they took down the bandage I was all up in there! I wasn’t the only one. My coworkers were all up in it too.

The gory things never really bothered me. I have always been great at doing wound care. The bad wounds were the ones I really got into. I think that is why I really wanted to get into a trauma ICU at a true trauma center. I wanted to play in that fun stuff. Blood is just a part of the job. If there is blood coming out of the body I just need to replace. I can do that. Foot falling off? No problem. Blood spurting everywhere? Let me apply some pressure. Ribs cracking while I do chest compressions? Well, that just means I am doing a good job.

And then there’s mucus…

I HATE MUCUS. Nothing turns my stomach like the sound of a trach that needs to be suctioned. I don’t know why it bothers me so much. But that’s not the worst of it. When there are mucus bubbles popping up around the trach… Grossed_out

Before I go into suction I definitely have to take a moment to get myself together.

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Nursing convos with non-nursing friends

Guys, I apologize.

I bombard you with all these stories about my hot mess shifts. I rattle off all kinds of medical terminology. I tell you things that probably gross you out because I think it’s cool.

You listen anyway and try to make sense of this shit. You try to keep your questions about the 12 medical abbreviations I just used to a minimum. You participate in the conversation. You are actively listening despite not having a clue what the hell I am talking about.

tenor

I’m sorry.

My life is spent around nurses and doctors. We probably use more medical abbreviations that actual words. I have clearly forgotten how to communicate outside of nursing. I throw terms at you, expecting you to catch them the way my colleagues do. Bless you all, you stick with me for a long as possible.

I am going to try and differentiate between friends and coworkers from now on. I will try to speak in layman’s terms. I am going to work on breaking out of the habit of using medical abbreviations. I am going to continue grossing you out though. I’m a nurse, my entire shift is gross. You’re just going to have to suffer through that part with me.